SEB Bulletin October 2006 - Ratbag
DRIP, DRIP, DRIP!!! Dr Workhard was so glad to be rid of DRIP - Diabetes Research Into Practice - a modest but well-respected journal. Eighteen months ago he had been an Associate Editor getting a regular flow of manuscripts to deal with, occasionally deciding whether to publish when reviewers were in conflict, and pocketing the small honorarium. That had all changed when the Editor-in-Chief had resigned citing irreconcilable differences with DRIP's new owner. Workhard had taken this news with indifference, not realising the impact it would have on him.
The change had come a week later when the owner, Timor Romanovich (“Call me Times Roman”), had invited him to lunch and offered to send his limousine - Workhard had enjoyed the envious looks of his colleagues as he climbed into the Rolls Royce. On the journey he had sampled the Bollinger in the in-car refrigerator, being rather surprised when he arrived at the restaurant to find that the bottle had only an inch of liquid left in it. The subsequent lunch was superb and was accompanied by several high quality wines which Romanovich had only sipped. Thus Workhard was rather woozy when Times Roman raised the question of the future of DRIP.
The discussion had quickly settled on who should be the new Editor-in-Chief but, as it turned out, Romanovich had not been interested in any of Workhard's suggestions. He was inviting Workhard himself to take on the job. In his befuddled state Workhard had been no match for Romanovich's persuasive powers and, in fact, had felt rather complimented by the invitation. The additional offer of an unexpectedly lavish honorarium had finally won the day and Workhard had accepted.
At first, things had gone well because the duties of the Editor-in-Chief, in fact, proved easier than those of an Associate Editor. But, after a while, Romanovich had called to say that DRIP was not profitable and would Workhard be willing to take on the copy editing until things got sorted out? By this time, Workhard had grown fond of DRIP and had agreed, not realising how much extra work this would entail. In no time at all he found himself spending all his spare (and lots of his non-spare) time editing manuscripts, a task that was never ending and which became even more onerous when Romanovich decided to move to two editions per month having secured a surprise cheap printing deal with a Korean company.
Eventually, Workhard decided things had to change when he heard that DRIP was now back in profit but no new arrangements for copy editing had followed. Although not a confrontational person, he had resolved to call Romanovich and tell him he was refusing to do any more copy editing. This suggestion had been met with a volley of (what Workhard assumed to be) expletives, all in a language he did not understand and in complete contrast to the faultless English Romanovich had been taught at Eton. After the call, Workhard began to wonder if he had done the right thing and if Romanovich was perhaps not the suave entrepreneur he appeared but was maybe a bit more shady and perhaps even ruthless when crossed. He spent an awkward few days fearing physical retribution for his actions.
Then one day as he parked his bicycle at work he was surprised to see Romanovich's car outside the Department. Times Roman got out, greeted Workhard, apologised for his outburst and said he wanted to seek a solution to the copy editing problem. He understood that Workhard organised a postgraduate course “The Process of Scientific Publication” and he was willing to sponsor a number of students to get hands-on experience of the mechanics of publication by paying them to be Workhard's copy editors. What a great idea, Workhard had thought as he gladly accepted the proposition. But of course, the Romanovich had succeeded in duping him all over again.
The students were a disaster! Most of them had no command of English beyond the abbreviations they used for SMS texting nor did they know how to read a manuscript analytically. The result was that Workhard's workload had doubled. He had put up with the situation for a further month before he mailed his letter of resignation and waited nervously for the consequences of this rash action.
Surprisingly, nothing came of it. No tough-looking types lying in wait for him, no suspicious packages in his post, not even the cheque he was owed for his last three months' work. Now, a week later, he was finally putting the whole episode behind him. The experience had made him realise that being an academic suited him and that he was no match for businessmen like Romanovich. What's more, there was some small benefit to him because he now had a full Editorship on his CV which might be useful next time he discussed promotion with the V-C.